rollin rollin rollin

So here I am, wondering what I'm going to write about.  Feeling the pressure of writing something interesting and enlightening.  If I'm going to make my mark, it should be worth while, right?  So what am I going to talk about?  I don't want this blog to just be about work because that's not all I am about.  Hmmm...

Well...  Today truly tested my balancing work with family.  My daughters' school has an award ceremony at the end of every month.  Students who have shown academic improvement or excellence get an award as well as students who have shown examples of a good moral fiber.  Great!  Awesome!  Well, my kids are not going to get an award every time but I try to make it if I know they will.  This time neither of my girls' teachers had told me either of my girls were getting an award but my oldest had begged me to be there.  So I told her I would be there because I had nothing scheduled in that time frame... until I got a text yesterday to see if I could work at the hospital (I work for Bella Baby Photography on the side.  Love it!).  Extra money or make my baby happy.  Geesh, really?  I have to put food on the table.  I need gas in my car.  I have bills to pay.  Sorry, baby.  Mama's got to hustle.

Here was my plan:
Get to the hospital by 9am.  Photograph as many babies as I can until noon so I can have enough time to get back to Sac and to the awards ceremony at 1pm (did I mention I have to drive to Davis?).  That was the plan.  As I was showing the last client her photos, my heart sank as I watched the clock tick by 12:45.  Good news...  everyone loved their photos today.  Bad news... didn't get on the freeway until 1:08.

So here I am, hauling ass on 80, trying to get to my babies.  Why?  I asked myself that same question as I tried to speed as casually as possible, praying to the Almighty to keep the cops away from that part of the freeway for the time being.  And just for the record, I am a good driver.  I swear.  But maybe I can make it before they end the ceremony.  Better to be late than not at all, right?

I make it to my kids' school by 1:30 as they are walking back to class.  I find my oldest and, God bless her, she is just as happy to have me try then not at all.  I appreciate that because I felt like I let her down.

So here's my question.  Why should I feel bad that I can't make it to every single thing that my kids do?  Where is the pressure to be the perfect mom coming from?  Is it because it seems like I have all this free time since I work from home?  Or that I feel like I'm busier now than when I had a 'regular' job?

I feel an obligation.  To many.  I feel the obligation to myself to make my photography work.  In order to do that, I have to work my ass off because no one is going to hand me success.  I have to work hard and earn it.  I feel an obligation to my kids.  They are still so young and I don't want to look back and think 'Wow, I wish I hadn't missed that' or 'When did that happen?'.  I feel an obligation to my husband who is so amazing in his own right for letting me do this and taking it with a grin because he's home with the kids and has to pick me up when I feel like I'm not doing enough and reminds me that I am going to eventually spontaneously combust if I don't slow down and who patiently waits for his turn to have time with his wife (have I mentioned that he is awesome and I love him?).

Why am I venting?  I don't know.  Because I'm tired and I need to get off my computer?  Because I know there are other moms out there who are feeling the same way and may feel better to know they are not alone?  Or, maybe, because I know that this entry was just a way to remind myself that I can't do it all and to remind myself that my kids will not hate me when they are older if I miss one awards ceremony and I am with them when it counts.

What I do know for sure is that my 3 year old just walked by me naked and grinned at me with a slice of pizza in her mouth.

It's all about balance and remembering what's important.

Thanks for listening.  or reading.  or...  I've got a baby to dress :)

I would be in a picture with my youngest if she would sit still long enough :)

hmmm... how to begin

You are reading my very first blog.  I always told myself I would not blog.  I felt there really wasn't anything I could droll on about that would be of any interest (or that I had the time for), until a couple of years ago when I decided to focus on my photography full time.  So you'll see more photos than typing here, unless I find myself ranting or rambling.  Both because I'll be updating my blog in the wee hours of the night when the kids are in bed and I have no way to filter what I am saying.  That should make for some interesting entries.  


But for right now, I'm going to share some of my kids favorite photos of mine.  They are my biggest fans and my most fierce critics.


Enjoy...

So far their absolute favorite because Mommy went and freaked out people at the Galleria.

My middle child.  Of course she picked her photo.  lol.

Kids are so easily impressed.  I heard 'How did you do that, Mom?!' a hundred times.

My oldest.  She loves this pic because she is being fierce.  lol.  

My youngest!  She had been in a stroller for the better part of an hour and she had just been released.  My little imp looks like she's about to cause some serious trouble!

There is definitely more to come.  Starting this blog was one of my goals for February.  Yay!  Goal accomplished!